I've questioned my faith a lot in my lifetime. When bad things happen. When good things happen. Even when nothing happens. I question whether or not I should believe. Over the years I have gotten further and further away from my faith. I have let the bad things in my life convince me that I shouldn't believe.
When I was 15 I lost my mother in a very tragic way. I am now 28, almost 29; but this still haunts me every single day. She left my house with her ex-boyfriend and was never seen again. She was declared 'missing' and her body was never found.
Ever since that last day that I saw her, May 25, 2001; I have been unsure of what to believe in. I always wondered why God would let something like that happen to me. Or to anyone for that matter. As I got older, this question became stronger in my mind. I saw the world around us: murderers, school shootings, workplace shootings, rapists, etc. How could God allow all of this to happen?
I suffer daily from depression and anxiety. I questioned why God would let me suffer every single day after the tragedy that I endured. Why wouldn't He allow me a happy life?
Recently I started getting back into my faith and realized that God has a plan for everyone. It may be a tragic, difficult, sad journey; but there is a plan for me. I am here for a reason. We are all here for a reason. There is a plan for everyone. I will make it with God's help.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11).
6 comments
faith,
grief,
loss,
love,
pain,
Stephanie L,
tragedy
