God's Plan

Written by: Stephanie

I've questioned my faith a lot in my lifetime. When bad things happen. When good things happen. Even when nothing happens. I question whether or not I should believe. Over the years I have gotten further and further away from my faith. I have let the bad things in my life convince me that I shouldn't believe.

When I was 15 I lost my mother in a very tragic way. I am now 28, almost 29; but this still haunts me every single day. She left my house with her ex-boyfriend and was never seen again. She was declared 'missing' and her body was never found.

Ever since that last day that I saw her, May 25, 2001; I have been unsure of what to believe in. I always wondered why God would let something like that happen to me. Or to anyone for that matter. As I got older, this question became stronger in my mind. I saw the world around us: murderers, school shootings, workplace shootings, rapists, etc. How could God allow all of this to happen?

I suffer daily from depression and anxiety. I questioned why God would let me suffer every single day after the tragedy that I endured. Why wouldn't He allow me a happy life?

Recently I started getting back into my faith and realized that God has a plan for everyone. It may be a tragic, difficult, sad journey; but there is a plan for me. I am here for a reason. We are all here for a reason. There is a plan for everyone. I will make it with God's help.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11).

6 comments faith, grief, loss, love, pain, Stephanie L, tragedy

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A Moment in Time

written by: Makeda 

There are times in life when things seem to go so fast that you can't keep up.

There are times when it seems like life has taken you by surprise and there isn't anything to do but trust the One that knows it all.

I know this feeling all too well. There have been times in my life where I could barely comprehend the shifting and changes that were taking place. Yet, there have been other times when I believe that I know exactly what is going on.

Still this hasn't been one of those times.

In the past four weeks, I've gotten news that my grandmother and great grandmother passed away. The other two out of the four weeks, were filled with emotions and funerals. In this time, I questioned God about my own life.

I wondered how long I would live and what He had purposed for me to do on every level that I could fathom. I cried and laughed, knowing that life is but a breath.

I've looked at some of the choices in my life, as we all must at times, and realized that although I have made a few bad choices, I've also made a lot of good ones.

I've worried about my kids, my parents, my spouse, and my friends. I wondered if, when it was all said and done, when my life was at its end, would He say that I had lived a life of abundance...that I honored Him.

I also had moments when I prayed for rest and peace as I realized some of my greatest fears and attempted to conquer them.

Most of all, I determined that I would be great and that no matter what I did, I would make sure that I believed.

I would trust in the Word of God and know Jesus had really paid the price for me. I renewed my faith and assured myself that God is on my side. (Psalm 103)

I reminded myself that God is not mad at me. When I am tempted, I have not yet sinned, but have only been tempted and that's ok. I reminded myself that it is alright to have the struggles that all men and women tend to have in this life. I gave myself permission to be weak and not to know it all. I told myself that it was ok to fall down sometimes because that meant that I would learn how to get up and know what not to do.

This past few weeks of mourning has been filled with a new discovery of who these two wonderful women are and what the legacy is that they left to me. I have the faith of my grandmothers (2 Timothy 1:5). This faith helps me to believe the word of God and to trust Him.

I know that no matter what, He is able to do so much more with my life than I could ever do on my own. He will fill me to overflowing and when my story is over, I will look back and see his hand holding me the entire time. Nothing that I could ever imagine is beyond Him (Ephesians 3:20). This gives me great hope...and for the first time in my life, I am not afraid. I am confident, knowing that there is no reason to fear or doubt because God is with me.

2 comments faith, grief, loss, Makeda

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